Giving Up By The Book

By Angus Watson

The death last week of Allen Carr, the British anti-smoking guru who claimed to have 'cured' 10 million people of their addiction, reminded Angus Watson of his attempts to quit earlier this year

Tue 9th May 2006 12.14

I met Rebecca three weeks ago on a course, got on brilliantly, and was amazed when she suggested I accompany her to Italy the following week. We had a head-swimmingly romantic flit around the bay of Naples, holding hands constantly and declaring mutual adoration, but never kissing. Rebecca will never kiss a man who smokes. Last night was the first time I’d seen her since Italy and so, terrified, I smoked a million fags. At the end Rebecca clasped herself to me, said: “Ugh! You really reek.”, and turned homewards on her dainty heel. Will buy Allen Carr’s anti-smoking book this afternoon. I’ve heard from several successfully quit friends that he’s a genius.

Book bought. Read first few pages. The idea seems to be that the jerk of paranoiac fear in social situations, the one that makes me jam a fag in my mouth, is created by not by fear of people, but by my addiction to nicotine. Pretty sure he’s wrong –insecurity is a multifarious foe, but cigarettes can trounce it. Nevertheless, have not smoked today.

Wed 10th 12.40

Smoked 18 cigarettes at an engagement drinks last night. I hadn’t heard from Rebecca so was already in a foul funk. After one beer I felt insecure, yet exuberantly drunk, spoonerising and being overly familiar. It was as if a controlling segment of my brain had been removed, and I was uncaringly watching myself being an idiot. Then sweet cigarettes cured my pain. Damn. Perhaps I should actually read that Allen Carr book – it appears that just owning it has little or even no effect.

Wed 10th 16.47

Read 22 page introduction. Shouldn’t have bothered. It’s all about how amazed I’m going to be, and how stupid governments are for not celebrating Carr’s genius. I am v sceptical.

Thur 11th 09.15

Read 100 pages. Basic idea is that you don’t ‘give up’ smoking, you escape it. Rather than losing a crutch, you get rid of the very drug that makes you stressed. Seems like a sensible idea, and I’m ready to embrace it. Chatted to Rebecca for an hour last night, and am seeing her tonight. If I don’t smoke, I’ll be impressed. Will try to finish book beforehand.

Tomorrow, I’m going on a stag weekend to Slovenia. That might be challenging. I just wish Rebecca would give concrete reciprocation. Achieving goals for oneself seems pointless.

Fri 12th 07.17

Finished AC’s book. His points are:

· You’re not giving up anything, you’re escaping from a disease

· Don’t fear giving up, rejoice

· It’s not difficult

· Cigarettes are disgusting and poisonous

· Smoking is a drug addiction that has you trapped

· Smoking causes you to be more stressed

· There is nothing good about smoking

· You must give up completely

· Smokers are “miserable, pathetic creatures”

I don’t see why he needed a whole book to say this. He is annoyingly repetitive, but admittedly effective at ramming messages home.

And so last night I met Rebecca, had one pint, then picnic, then concert, then four glasses of wine. And I didn’t smoke. Wasn’t that hard. I did get pangs, and did get a bit manic, but not so bad. Felt sorry for the man I saw having a solitary fag at the edge of the after concert crowd. I remember when I needed that prop, it seemed so long ago… Smugness may be premature – about to leave for stag weekend. Drinking will start in the airport, and carry on for two days. Is there any hope? Yes. I will do it. Seeing Rebecca, by the way, was a joy. She is lovely.

Mon May 15th 08.33 am

As predicted, first pint was at Stanstead. I didn’t feel too panicky, but I did drink two pints to everybody else’s one, and this pattern continued for the 21 hour session. I didn’t smoke though, and the odd mega-craving moments passed quickly. The next night, after a hateful hungover day of rafting and canyoning, was another big one. But I never really wanted to smoke.

Now back at my peaceful desk, I really think I’ve given up. Smoking seems disgusting and pointless. Allen Carr rocks. But this week is going to throw some serious social tests at me. Also, I haven’t heard from Rebecca. That stress may well get the better of me. I still have a packet of fags with two in it….

Weds 17th May 16.53

Last night at a drinks party I was gagging for a cigarette, but never near having one. A friend asked why I was looking so stressed and weird (“like a startled horse”). I said I’d just given up smoking, and he said: “ah yes, that’ll be it.” Which is quite worrying.

I also think Rebecca lied in an email to avoid seeing me. Not a great sign.

Weds 18th May 12.00

In a jazz club last night, with one friend and nine people I didn’t know, I hardly wanted to smoke.

Friday May 19th 16.54

Two things have happened, and I’m fairly sure I’m a non smoker now. Last night I went to three friends’ huge birthday party. Loads of people were smoking, I was very drunk, but had no cigarette desire. So drunk was I, in fact, that I left a message on Rebecca’s phone. I have no recollection of what I said, but, given her email today, I can guess. The email said that we would never be more than friends. It hit me like a juggernaut to the chest, but gave me no inclination to smoke.

So that’s it. I started writing this as a smoker, hoping to give up and to be going out with Rebecca by the time I finished it. I’ve managed one of those. Onwards and upwards.

Epilogue – Thursday 30th November 2006

On June 3rd, three weeks after that last entry, I smoked three cigarettes at a wedding. On June 6th I smoked six at a pub quiz. On the 9th I went to Turkey for 10 days, and smoked throughout. Now I smoke every time I drink. I’m an idiot. Allen worked, and I caved in. Mr Carr grew up in Putney, which I can see across the river from my desk. As tribute to my newly deceased neighbour, I’ll give that book another go. One day.

Article printed 9th December 2006 in the Financial Times, all copyright theirs. Photos copyright Angus Watson 2006